Why I Will Never Have A Girlfriend: A Filmmaker’s Perspective (Part Juan of 5)



“I can resist everything  except temptation.” – Oscar Wilde

As a director of any motion picture will tell you, it is job, no… it is your duty to see the production through until the end. Not just during the good times, but the bad. You’re taking another creation and placing your personal stamp on it. The director is the captain of the ship, willing to lead his crew to the depths of hell and back.

Even if it’s to you death.

Especially if it’s to your death.

Because that’s what a leader does; he assumes command. Takes control. He keeps order when the world arond him in chaos. When a building crumbles, his foundation must be solid. He gives his heart to his cast and his crew, not because he has to, nor does he want to. It is because he is the facilitator of an idea, and as that facilitator, he must be willing to fight for something, to love something, that others may fear; The unknown.

The Undiscovered Country.

 My heart cannot be fixed. It is broken.


There was a time in my life when I believed in the notion of love. You know the one; boy meets girl, boy falls in love, and so on. It’s a formula that’s as old as time itself. But as we all know by now, pretend life is just that — pretend.

Most people live vicariously though their fantasy lives. From the Internet to books to the spoken word, there have always been outlets for the persons who suffer throughout their lives. We, as a species, seem to think that we can be doing better than we are, and as a person I am inclined to agree. Never settle. Don’t let anyone tell you that you cannot do anything. Words to live by, but can be dangerous once we practice what we preach.  But as much as we are a danger to ourselves, we can rest assured that we are dangerous to others.

Which brings me to my drug of choice…Love. Ah, Love.

Please allow me to introduce myself. I’m a writer and aspiring filmmaker. I have loved movies for as long as I can remember, and while I haven’t made anything you may have seen yet, that doesn’t mean that you won’t. I go to movies every weekend like clockwork (yes, by myself), and I am a constant staple on message boards. Recently I have entered the social networking realm, my Twitter and Facebook accounts joined at the hip. I have even applied to be a volunteer at the 2010 Florida Film Festival in Maitland.

So as you can see, I’ve got movies on the brain. Some would say…obsessed. Those people are idiots. Now if you were to talk about things like love, sex, and or relationships, then you’d have a valid point. I. Don’t have. A clue. About love

Never have.

Probably never will.

Let’s get the simple stuff out-of-the-way first; 1. Not really that attractive/2. Never had sex./ 3. Struck out with women more times than a Minor League baseball player at a sport’s bar (What the hell does that mean?!). Sure there were crushes, infatuations, even the occasional ‘ummmm, er, uhhhhh (drool)….er, ahhh…”. Sadly my mad skills never equal success. There was that one time….but I’ll save that for Part Deux. I have tried for years (re:YEARS!!!) to understand my awkwardness; was I trying too hard? Not hard enough? Did I need to be some self-centered, good-looking pretty boy like I’d seen so many girls with. I mean, is that what it takes? Some good looks and the impressive ability to blow smoke up someone’s behind?

Did I really need to act like someone I wasn’t in order to meet girls? It seemed to work so well for the Mark Sanfords and Eliot Spitzers of the world. I mean, if you have enough money, power, talent (hey 1 of 3 ain’t bad…right?), and charisma, there are those who’ll pretty much believe anything you, no matter how much of it is laced with B.S. This is the kind of behavior that I witnessed firsthand throughout my life. High school was particularly bad, but then again, whose isn’t? I dare you to go out there and find one person who didn’t feel life wasn’t fair because some douchebag guy got with a girl that you just happened to like. Just one. Go ahead, I’ll wait….

….and we’re back. Haven’t found one? Good, then you’re not crazy. It doesn’t exist. It’s a near-perfect tragic flaw, Ladies and Germs; someone always wants what they can’t have. The Unobtainable. In Layman’s Terms; Jealousy. Personally I’ve never had the pleasure. I suppose sulking away like David Banner in The Incredible Hulk has hardened my resolve a bit. But the point of all this, and the rest of these articles, is that in the future, people can avoid in the mistakes I made. They can keep the idea of love alive inside of them, because as far as I am concerned, love doesn’t exist. Whatever pieces of my broken heart are gone, and I am not going to miss them.

I am writing this because…I don’t want you to suffer….like I have.






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